I'm eating all of the evidence.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
