Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
