we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
