im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
