You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
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I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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