We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
