bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
