I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
