It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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