you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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