mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just high enough for therapy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
