So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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