I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
