her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
