I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
