i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
