I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Randomize
