He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
