I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
