I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
