You work out of a Hotel?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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