Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
