Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
