we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Everclear isn't food dammit
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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