I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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