Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
