I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
