Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
