So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
