Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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