I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
