But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
