So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
