Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
