I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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