She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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