i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
