I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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