This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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