Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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