I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
