I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I could fuck to npr.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
