So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
