FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
