Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
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Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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