i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I could fuck to npr.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
