I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
