she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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