Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
