i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
