is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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