did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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