I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
