I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
