so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
