dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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