Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
