i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
