Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
