How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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