Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
