So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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