god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
