I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
