I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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