3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
