You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
