Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
