No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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