why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
