I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
