she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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